Pride or Die
“You’re a failure”. “You’re going to hell”. “Nobody wants you here”. “You’d be better off dead.” These are all thoughts that I have to fight off everyday. They are also words that have been said to me both publicly and privately by strangers and by people who I thought were my friends, my family. Forced out of the closet at 14 years old, my coming out experience wasn’t a pleasant one. There was a lot of internal strife and external struggle with finding self-worth, reconciling my religion and spiritual upbringing, and navigating family dynamics that went on for many years. As you might expect, there wasn’t a lot of pride in my early life as a gay man trying to figure out who he was in the world.
The event that kicked off what we now celebrate as Pride month started when demonstrations and riots were held after police raids at the Stonewall Inn on June 28, 1969. These raids in New York City were specifically targeting the LGBTQ+ community. I didn’t get the opportunity to attend my first pride event until the Summer of 2006 when I was 19, five years after first uttering the words out loud, “I’m gay”. It was summer break after my first year at college, and instead of going home to my parents house, I was invited to stay with my brother in Nashville, TN. While a majority of the details of this rite of passage for a young gay man is lost to time, I do recall the feeling I had being in a space where I could authentically be myself (or who I was at the time) and seeing the families and supportive friends of those who also shared similar experiences. I remember it as a very family oriented event, hosted in Centennial Park, with children in attendance with their queer parents and the diversity of people from all ages.
Even during this time of my life, while growing more comfortable with myself and working through my own thoughts and feelings about being gay, I suffered from terrible self esteem and the naïveté of youth where you think you have everything figured out. I definitely didn’t but you couldn’t tell me that. My college years were a time of exploration in the queer community, attending the university’s gay-straight alliance meetings and events, heading out with friends on the weekend to the closest gay bar almost an hour away, and meeting up with other gay men in very sketchy situations. Looking back, I feel lucky to have survived this time but costs were high and I paid dearly with my mental health. I was left to navigate many experiences that no one should ever have to go through.
I had glimpses of “it gets better” throughout my undergrad experience but it wasn’t until graduate school where I was able to come to terms with myself fully and work through the family dynamics that had been accumulating for the last nine years. I had gotten a place to myself and being away from others for the first time in my life, I had plenty of time to heal, reflect, and decide how I wanted my life to be. I continued to open myself up to others, went to gay bars (now just a quick drive across town), and all this time continued to work on my self image. Having pride in yourself is very difficult and this issue is often amplified for those in the queer community. It wasn’t until 2011, that I truly felt comfortable in my own skin.
Around that time there was a shift culturally with the release of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way album, Kesha’s song “We ‘R Who We ‘R”, and Katy Perry’s music video for “Firework” which featured a gay storyline. The outlook for the queer community was looking bright. I met my now husband around this time and we attended many pride events together throughout the area, both those hosted locally in the small towns we lived in and a few larger ones. I still had lessons to learn through my attendance at these festivals. I recall one Pride festival where my husband dressed in what I considered to be a more feminine look and the rift and hurt feelings that I caused in not allowing him to share his authentic self with the world. Since then, I have grown and have continued to work through my own internal hang-ups about gender and sexuality. Now I give people the opportunity to share and express themselves in the way they feel most comfortable with and not let my own prejudices get in the way.
Since our current political climate that began around 2016, I have felt another shift, one in which I felt like the world wanted to shove us all back into hiding, into darkness. Now more than ever is the time we, the LGBTQ+ community and all those that support us must take a stand and show the world that we are here and that we are worthy. The future doesn’t have to be bleak and hopeless and while the world tries to dim our light with the darkness and conceal our existence, I am reminded of lyrics from another song, “Now my love will be the light. When I finally found pride I realized hope is inside.”
Photo of display inside the Stonewall Inn, New York, NY. Taken September 6, 2025.
Songs mentioned in this post:
