As we continue in our book study, we encourage you to purchase Desmond and Mpho Tutu's The Book of Forgiving which is available as a hard copy, audiobook, and ebook. All of the following comes directly from the end of each chapter.
*Tutu, Mpho, and Tutu, Desmond. The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World. United States, HarperCollins, 2014.
SUNDAY SUMMARY
Why Forgive
Forgiveness is beneficial to our health. (physical, emotional, and spiritual health)
Forgiveness offers freedom from the past, from a perpetrator, from future victimization.
Forgiveness heals families and communities.
We forgive so we don’t suffer, physically or mentally, the corrosive effects of holding on to anger and resentment.
We are all interconnected and have a shared humanity.
Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.
What Forgiveness is Not
Forgiveness is not easy—it requires hard work and a consistent willingness.
Forgiveness is not weakness—it requires courage and strength.
Forgiveness does not subvert justice—it creates space for justice to be enacted with a purity of purpose that does not include revenge.
Forgiveness is not forgetting—it requires a fearless remembering of hurt.
Forgiveness is not quick—it can take several journeys through the cycles of remembering and grief before one can truly forgive and be free.
SACRED PAUSE
I will forgive you
The words are so small
But there is a universe hidden in them
When I forgive you
All those cords of resentment pain and sadness that had wrapped
themselves around my heart will be gone
When I forgive you
You will no longer define me
You measured me and assessed me and decided that you could
hurt me
I didn’t count
But I will forgive you
Because I do count
I do matter
I am bigger than the image you have of me
I am stronger I am more beautiful
And I am infinitely more precious than you thought me
I will forgive you
My forgiveness is not a gift that I am giving to you
When I forgive you
My forgiveness will be a gift that gives itself to me
MEDITATION
Opening to the Light
1. Close your eyes and follow your breath.
2. When you feel centered, imagine yourself in a safe place; this may be indoors or outdoors, whichever feels safest to you.
3. In the center of your safe space is a box with many drawers.
4. The drawers are labeled. The inscriptions show hurts you have yet to forgive.
5. Choose a drawer and open it. Rolled or folded or crumpled up inside it are all the thoughts and feelings the incident evokes.
6. You can choose to empty out this drawer.
7. Bring your hurt into the light and examine it.
8. Unfold the resentment you have felt and set it aside.
9. Smooth out the ache and let it drift up into the sunlight and disappear.
10. If any feeling seems too big or too unbearable, set it aside to look at later.
11. When the drawer is empty, sit for a moment with it on your lap.
12. Then remove the label from this drawer.
13. As the label comes off, you will see the drawer turn to sand. The wind will sweep it away. You don’t need it anymore.
14. There will be no space left for that hurt in the box. That space is not needed anymore.
15. If there are more drawers still to be emptied, you can repeat this meditation now or later.
STONE RITUAL
Carrying the Stone
1. You will need your palm-size stone.
2. For the space of one morning (approximately six hours) hold the stone in your non-dominant hand. Do not set the stone down for any reason during this period. Or, keep the stone on your lap or wheelchair arm for the six hours.
3. At the end of six hours, proceed to the journal exercise.
JOURNAL PROMPTS
Stone Journal Exercise
1. What did you notice about carrying the stone?
2. When did you notice it the most?
3. Did it hinder any of your activities?
4. Was it ever useful?
5. In what ways was carrying the stone like carrying an unforgiven hurt?
6. Make a list of the people you need to forgive in your life.
7. Make another list of all those you would like to have forgive you.
Letting Go Journal Exercise
Forgiving is a process of letting go.
1. Think of the things you must give up or let go of in order to forgive.
2. The list might include things like the right to revenge or the expectation of an apology. It might even include having to give up an expectation that the person who hurt you will understand the pain they have caused.
3. As you jot down this list, pause with each item and offer thanks for the ability to let go of what you do not need in order to forgive.