2022 PAPER BAG LIVE NATIVITY

2022 Advent Luminary Labyrinth Photos!

Thanks to everyone who came out to wander in wonder through our Advent Luminary Labyrinth!

Julie's letter to the United States


Throughout October and November, Haley Hamblin led a small group called “Koinonia: A Journey of Justice and Belonging with the Apostle Paul.”  During our final week, Haley invited us to write letters to a community, fashioned by Paul’s letters. This practice was deeply meaningful, so we are going to share some of the letters we wrote:

Julie Crandall’s Letter:


To my fellow Americans, with whom we collectively imagine how best to live, work, serve and govern in the spirit the common good. Brothers and sisters (as aren’t we all formed from the same source of love and life? aren’t we all struggling with the same pain and fear and uncertainty in this life? And aren’t we all headed toward the same sure final destination, whether it be hour or minutes or decades from this very moment?)…. Greetings, peace, love. Whatever is you deepest need, may you be blessed with it within a community of shared longing and concern for other.

We are in a battle for the vision of who we, as citizens are and who we want to be in world. At times we’ve forgotten the suffering of others…the desperate need of those fleeing hunger and violence in places where darkness has overcome rules and laws. We’ve slammed doors in the faces of those who don’t look like us or speak the same language; but brothers and sisters, they bleed the same as we do, they weep for their children too; they’d risk everything to see a brighter light on the horizon. These are the people who formed our country.

Inside our wall we’ve often chosen to not see the suffering our ancestors caused to humans they enslaved, treating them and their descendants as less than human and ignoring a legacy of horrors, evils and wrongs. We’ve forgotten that divine light shines in all people and that when we sweep away the past it always grows larger in the distance, gaining energy and power that threatens a great reckoning.

We’ve let lies and fear cause us to turn inward, to see those beyond our own small groups as the enemy, as the ones to be feared, the ones we must crush before they crush us.
But don’t you see that in crushing anyone, we are crushing ourselves? When there is violence toward anyone’s parents, it is violence toward our own parents? When there’s a mass shooting at any school, it’s at our own child’s school? When a million souls die from a virus that we can help stop from spreading, each of those souls are as beloved as you are or your spouse or your best friend.

Beloveds, you’ve never ceased to be worthy of love and belonging, but neither has the one who is mocked, made fun of, abandoned, beaten or abused. We must protect those who are weak, lack power, are without homes, those suffering any kind of pain. Each and every one of these is the Christ.

We must move closer to each other and in so doing, we move closer to God. Do we not reflect that which is holy when we reach out again and again to those in our schools and neighborhoods and work places, on the street and in the grocery store and on Facebook and in the nursing home and prisons?

Stay awake to the humanity of each person you encounter.
Only then do we experience true community. Koinonia.
Justice be among all; only then there will be true peace.

 

Chuck York’s Letter: “A Letter to the Travelers United”

Throughout October and November, Haley Hamblin led a small group called “Koinonia: A Journey of Justice and Belonging with the Apostle Paul.”  During our final week, Haley invited us to write letters to a community, fashioned by Paul’s letters. This practice was deeply meaningful, so we are going to share some of the letters we wrote:

Chuck York’s Letter: “A Letter to the Travelers United”

To my fellow travelers who live vicariously through the journey of our sister Haley in the land of Missouri Show-Mes, grace and peace to each of you and thanks for all you do.

First, my apologies for not being able to be present as oft as I would have liked with this journey we shared, but know my heart and spirit were with you even as my body failed and in one case the internet interruptus raised its head. The learning has been fruitful for me personally, and I hope for you as well in the community.

When we learn, when we study or just have that aha moment, our mission should be singular, to accept the learning, and to look for others who might want to hear, to learn, to question, or to refute.

Community is a safe conversation; our commitment to community ends not with these sessions, but the sessions to come, the continuing search for connection with others in and outside our spheres.

Our lessons have been many, and as many as we are individually for certain. I know this now because of our journey together – we are called to go to places safe, where we can be builders, or to places not so safe, and to find ways to unite our spirits in a quest for more love, for more peace, for more power and grace.

Be strong, fellow travelers. We are called to reach up and reach out. May we be blessed to do both and to revel in the glory of that calling.

 
 

Jack Salt's Letter to Inclusion Community

Throughout October and November, Haley Hamblin led a small group called “Koinonia: A Journey of Justice and Belonging with the Apostle Paul.”  During our final week, Haley invited us to write letters to a community, fashioned by Paul’s letters. This practice was deeply meaningful, so we are going to share some of the letters we wrote:

Jack Salt’s Letter:


Dear Inclusion Community,

I dedicate this letter to you – a progressive community centered on justice, belonging, empathy, creative worship, and spiritual nourishment. 

Like Paul, we are each on a journey where we encounter different communities throughout the course of our lives. I feel like I stumbled upon Inclusion Community serendipitously even though it’s only a few miles down the road from where I went to college. I found this community after a series of decisions that now seem interconnected: I took some education policy courses my senior year of college which led me to realize my passion for education and apply to work for the College Advising Corps which placed me at Hopewell High School where I met Teresa Costa. Teresa would periodically invite me to Pub Theology, Inclusion’s monthly hangout at Old Town Public House in Cornelius, and I would usually make some excuse not to go until one night I finally showed up. That night, we were debating the theological arguments for and against tattoos and people were sharing their tattoo stories and I thought this was the strangest religious community I’ve ever encountered. It was so different from anything I had ever experienced. And yet I was drawn to it.

Before finding Inclusion Community, I didn’t feel connected to church. Worship felt rigid, I didn’t really know members of my congregation beyond small talk, and I didn’t feel like I could relate to the sermons or prayers. 

But Inclusion Community taught me what it means to be a progressive Christian and worship in a way that recognizes our individual and collective humanity. I’ve found myself painting during church service, giving communion to my peers, watching candles be lit for loved ones, engaging in community conversation, and in what happened to be the most unforgettable service of all – improvising lines as Joseph during the paper bag nativity day. 

Inclusion Community taught me that worship is artistic, empathetic, justice-centered, solemn, emotional, and hilarious. I learned that worship isn’t passive but one filled with a variety of experiences and emotions with a community of people that wrestle with what it means to be human.  

So, I call on Inclusion Community to continue to find people like me: those that are curious but disconnected from church; those struggling with religious trauma and exclusion and in need of a welcoming, inclusive space; and those who want to express vulnerability at church and in front of a community that will love them as they are.

The world would be a better place with more communities and spaces like this one.

With love,

Jack Salt



2022 Transgender Day of Remembrance

Read a letter from our beloved Stephanie on this Transgender Day of Remembrance:


Today, November 20, is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. It is the day in which we name aloud those that we know in the trans and gender non-conforming communities that were murdered in the past year. That number in the U.S. is 32 although that number almost certainly falls far short of the actual number. The majority in the list are transgender women of color, a trend that persists every year. The number also does not include those who die by suicide, lack of access to proper health care, and many causes related to gender identity.

The transgender community has enjoyed greater visibility in the past decade. This has also brought greater notoriety and organized hate against the trans community. In some ways, it was easier when we were not as well known. We as a community could fly under the radar. In the past two years, the number of anti-trans laws at the state level has increased substantially especially with regard to trans youth and athletes. Trans youth, their parents, and doctors are at risk of having decisions regarding their own bodies taken away from them. Trans athletes, even though so few in number, are being targeted with exclusionary laws. This is in addition to all the laws forbidding teachers from speaking about LGBT issues.

So what can we do to be an ally to the trans community?

  1. Use their correct pronouns. If you don't know, ask!

  2. Educate yourself on trans issues. Don't rely on the trans community to do all the work here. Search out websites, blogs, authors, etc.

  3. Vote for LGBT friendly candidates, and then hold them accountable! Also let the lawmakers who write anti-trans bills know as well.

  4. Speak up when you hear transphobic jokes or language.

  5. Check in on your trans friends. Even a simple text or note saying you're thinking of them will help.

All of the above increases your proximity and understanding with the trans community and their issues. Bryan Stevenson of EJI alluded to this in his speech at Davidson College a couple of years ago. Over time, the hate decreases as it simply becomes unacceptable. We better understand the beautiful people in the trans community, their gifts, their perspective, their talents. Each life cut short is a loss for all of us due to the potential lost. Each person is valuable. Each person is enough. They don't need to apologize for being their most authentic selves. On this Transgender Day of Remembrance, let us commit to remembering those who had that opportunity snatched away and be the supporters for those still here.

Thank you and all my love,

Stephanie

Southeastern Jurisdictional Conference

Read a letter from Pastor Sarah about SEJ

Did you know that Pastor Sarah is a delegate to the Southeastern Jurisdictional Conference? 
 

Hi beloveds, 

As you may know I am a delegate to our United Methodist Southeastern Jurisdictional Conference which will take place at Lake Junaluska, NC on November 1-4, 2022. One dimension of our work is the discernment of episcopal leadership (aka bishops) for the Southeastern Jurisdictional Conference (SEJ).

Wait, what's the SEJ? Well, the green map above shows the Annual Conferences that together make up the SEJ. Inclusion Community is a part of the Western North Carolina Conference. 
What's a delegate? I am one of 20 clergy delegates that were elected at the 2019 WNC Annual Conference to represent the Western NC Conference at SEJ. There are also 20 lay delegates. Here's the full list. 
What's the role of a bishop? A bishop is an ordained elder set apart for a ministry of servant leadership, general oversight, and supervision. You can read more here. 

I write to invite you to join me in lifting in prayer or holding space for all of the episcopal nominees, our current bishops, and our delegation as we discern. We will need to discern and elect 3 new bishops during our time at Lake Junaluska. You can read and learn about the episcopal nominees here: https://www.sejumc.org/episcopal-nominees  As you'll see they've shared written a bio, shared answers to theological questions, shared videos and websites for you to learn more about them. (They've put a great deal of effort into them!)

As we can only imagine, this process is a journey unto itself. This journey asks for an enormous amount of physical-emotional-mental-spiritual energy of our episcopal nominees. They have discerned God's call within themselves and in community. If elected they would be elected for life! They will be assigned a particular area to serve for a four-year term. New bishops are not typically initially assigned to the area they have served as a pastor. You can read more here about the actual process. 

I invite you to join me in praying for them by name, and if you'd like to take it a step further, below are the times that they will be participating in a Q&A with delegates, such as myself, from across the whole southeast. (Sorry, some have already passed.) These Q&A are not open to the public, but only to the Jurisdictional Delegates to aid in their discernment. However, I invite you to consider taking a moment to light a candle or say a prayer for them at that time:

Kenneth Nelson (SC) - Saturday, September 17 - 9:00am ET

Tom Berlin (VA) - Tuesday, September 20 at 7:30pm ET

Byron Thomas (NGA) - Thursday, September 29 at 7:30pm ET

Iosmar Alvarez (KY) - Monday, October 3 at 7:00pm ET

**Amy Coles (WNC) - Tuesday, October 4 at 7:00pm ET. (**Our Conference's Nominee!)

Sharon Austin (FL) - Thursday, October 6 at 7:00pm ET

Edie Gleaves (NC) - Tuesday, October 11 at 6:30pm ET

Connie Shelton (SEJ Clergywomen & MS) - Monday, October 17 at 12:30pm ET

Sharon Bowers (HOL BMCR) - Thursday, October 20 at 7:00pm ET

Here is the list of our current bishops. 

Curious to know more about the Jurisdictional Conference?
Here is a link to more information about the SEJ Jurisdictional Conference. 

Please also hold me, my fellow delegates, and our whole connection in your prayers through this critical season of discernment and transition.


I'm more than happy to talk about this process with you or answer any questions you may have. I want you all to be well informed. Please do not hesitate to reach out! 


Thanks for reading and praying along with me during this season. I appreciate you!


Deep peace be with you,
Pastor Sarah
sbelles@inclusioncommunity.org

Happy 12th Birthday Inclusion Community!

Happy 12th Birthday Inclusion Community!

Story Slam & Potluck

We hosted our “annual” Story Slam to celebrate our 12th birthday! Kari, Chuck, Adele, Julie, and Steve told 5-minute stories and we wrote one-sentence stories about the theme “Table.” What beautiful stories- humorous, humbling, heart-wrenching, and holy! A special thanks to our story tellers!

Our Tapestry of Prayers, Hopes, & Dreams

The 12th anniversary gift is a tapestry/linen, so we created one together. We’ve been writing our prayers, concerns, celebrations, hopes, and dreams on ribbons this summer and put them on the altar. Today we write hopes and dreams for the next 12 years of the life of Inclusion Community’s ministry! Together we wove the ribbons into a tapestry to use on our altar table!

A Snapshot of our Inclusion Community Dreaming Day

A Snapshot of our Inclusion Community Dreaming Day:

RESULTS OF OUR DISCERNMENT WORK

After some deep discernment together, here were the top results of our Dreaming Day:

PURSUE JUSTICE

INTENTION: Offer a Deep South Pilgrimage to reckon with racial injustice (spring of 203) *invited Mount Zion UMC and Hunters Chapel UMC to partner and journey with us

PRACTICE COMMUNITY:

INTENTION: Contact Cornelius Elementary School to find out any resource or volunteer needs they have and commit to meeting one of those needs

INTENTION: Provide a Dinner Church/Experiment with Dinner Church model of church

INTENTION: Provide Baguetting to Know You Part 2

EXPLORE SPIRITUALITY

INTENTION: Offer and Embodied practice: CONSPIRE (during Advent)

INTENTION: Offer a Spiritual Writing Retreat (spring of 2023?)

INCLUSION COMMUNITY GOES TO CLT PRIDE 2022!

A Mother's Day Prayer

Beloveds,

Mother’s Day can evoke a variety of experiences and emotions. Whether Mother’s Day is your greatest joy, deepest heartache, or barely a passing thought, you will be welcome at the Gathering tomorrow. To best create a space of belonging for all, we will not center our Gathering on a Mother’s Day theme. To anyone who might wish to read a Mother’s Day blessing, I offer you one written by another young clergy woman which I find particularly meaningful.

Deep peace be with you,

Pastor Sarah

 

I want you to know I'm praying for you if you are like Tamar, struggling with infertility, or a miscarriage.

I want you to know that I'm praying for you if you are like Rachel, counting the women among your family and friends who year by year and month by month get pregnant, while you wait.

I want you to know I'm praying for you if you are like Naomi and have known the bitter sting of a child's death.

I want you to know I am praying for you if you are like Joseph and Benjamin, and your Mom has died.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if your relationship with your Mom was marked by trauma, abuse, or abandonment, or she just couldn't parent you the way you needed.

I want you to know I am praying for you if you've been like Moses' mother and put a child up for adoption, trusting another family to love the child you birthed into adulthood.

I want you to know I am praying for you if you've been like Pharaoh's daughter, called to love children who are not yours by birth (and thus the mother who brought that child into your life, even if it is complicated).

I want you to know I am praying for you if you, like many, are watching (or have watched) your mother age and disappear into the long goodbye of dementia.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if you, like Mary, are pregnant for the very first time and waiting breathlessly for the miracle of your first child.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if you, also like Mary, have watched your beautiful, black or brown-skinned baby murdered by the empire. And even still all you can do is weep and rage.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if you are a queer mama, or a trans mama doing the work of mothering your babies in a radical way that was not modeled for you.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if your children have turned away from you, painfully closing the door on relationship, leaving you holding your broken heart in your hands. And like Hagar, now you are mothering alone.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if motherhood is your greatest joy and toughest struggle all rolled into one.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if you are watching your child battle substance abuse, a public legal situation, mental illness, or another situation which you can merely watch unfold.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if you like so many women before you do not wish to be a mother, are not married, or in so many other ways do not fit into societal expectations.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if you carry the beautiful, exhausting, maddening, heart breaking, wonderful labor of mothering even though you do not have children of your own.

I want you to know that I am praying for you if you see yourself reflected in all, or none of these stories.

This Mother’s Day, wherever and whoever you are, we walk with you. You are loved. You are seen. You are worthy.

And may you know the deep love without end of our big, wild, beautiful God who is the very best example of a parent that we know.

Amen.

 

- A prayer for Mother's Day by Heidi Carrington Heath (based on a version originally by Amy Young)

Blessings from our Sacred Reading with Students Group

Blessings from our Sacred Reading with Students Group

During our Sacred Reading Group, Jack Salt and Haley Hamblin shared with us the sacred practice of offering blessings. They invited us to write a blessing for one of the characters in Celeste Ng’s Little Fires Everywhere. Take a peak at some of the blessings we wrote:

Haley Hamblins's Blessing:

Lord, bless our hands, 

Some are nimble, dainty, or sore

Others are strong, calloused, or scarred. 

Bless the curvatures of our fingers; 

How they tell stories of struggle, work, and activity. 

Bless the veins and creases, the lines of life.

May you bless our hands as they reach out in love, 

Hold others with care,

Write stories of peace and justice,

And do the work of reconciliation. 


Lord, bless our eyes, 

As they strive to see the world around us. 

Bless the eyes that see beauty and suffering 

And the heart that tries to reconcile the existence of both.

Bless our eyes that see the brightness of the sun and darkest depth of night.

And give us the power to discern the shadows present within each.

Bless the eyes that see – truly see– the essence of another

The eyes that do not judge, gaze voyeuristically, or sit idle, 

But eyes that pierce the veil of niceties and respectability 

To love all, just as they are.


Lord, bless our hearts, souls, and minds,

The most intimate parts of ourselves;

The places of our wrestling, 

The source of connection to community and world.

Bless those parts of our innermost being that only You can reach. 


Lord, bless us in our reading 

Bless the hands that hold the book,

The eyes that read the words,

The mind that seeks to understand,

The heart that connects with characters and stories,

And the soul that seeks for the sacred present in it all. 

Amen. 

A Blessing for Mr. Richardson by Kathi Callaway

God, bless Mr. Richardson as he defends his clients

May he see them as the wonderful friends and neighbors they are

May he see their qualities as Mirabelle’s parents shine through

May he see the gratitude they have at finally having a baby of their own to raise

May he see the horrible struggle they are going through during this trial


God, bless Mr. Richardson as he defends his clients

May he see Bebe as the wonderful person she is

May he see Bebe’s qualities as May Ling’s mother shine through

May he see the gratitude that Bebe has at being able see and interact with May Ling

May he see the horrible struggle she is going through during this trial


God, bless Mr. Richardson as he defends his clients

May he have the strength to defend his clients even in the face of his doubts

May he have the grace to defend his clients even in the face of those doubts

May he have the integrity to do his job, while having the right to have those doubts

God, may he have the faith in You that he needs to get through this trial with this internal struggle going

on in his soul


Prayer by Cristy Carroll

I come with a thankful heart to give thanks for my passion, my energy, and my drive.

Help me to discover the right path, my path, my path toward belonging.

Lord, help me find my place and to marry my passion with my desire to fit in, to fully belong.




Blessing by Cristy Carroll

Bless those who are making impossibly difficult choices.

Bless those parts of us that make those choices, our heart, and our mind.

Bless us when the consequences of the choices are absolutely life-giving and when

they are life taking or send a life into new challenges far beyond our comprehension.

Bless us for not letting those choices be made for us, but when we are courageous

enough to make those choices for ourselves.

Bless those who make choices in love in the midst of struggles that I cannot fully appreciate.




A Prayer & Two Blessings by Don Carroll
The theme I went with which resonated for me was the uncertainties of the lives of the characters; certainly Mia and Pearl, but also all the Richardson teenagers; we live with important, but taken for granted decisions each day maybe more than we realize.

 

Prayer for One Day

 

Loving God,

Just for today, I pray to experience your love

that I might receive clarity about the truth of each moment

to discern your will for me in this unfolding day;

I pray for curiosity to be teachable that I might

respond to life not out of fear or anger, but from your love;

I pray for patience to wait for your guidance

to become experienced and manifest

I pray for courage that knowing your will, I will follow

the path you have chosen for me;

I pray for joy knowing as your love unfolds

through me, my path is one of astonishment and beauty; and

I pray for humility to experience that at the end of the day

 you have done for me what I could not do for myself

and that I might abide in your peace for a good night’s rest.

Blessing for the Kingdom

As the Lord did bless the loaves and fishes

         may he bless our passionate wishes

 

May our little fires burn bright

         that his Love will warm the night

 

So when ‘morrow brings the sun

         closer may His Kingdom come

 

 

Blessing for Artists

         for Mia

May those whose creative gifts

         are not seen or supported

 

Who work in darkness

         as the world spins by them

 

May the closeness of their lives

         to loss and desperation

 

Open hearts to an unexpected Love

         never reflected by family or friends

 

So that the fires of their imaginations may

         whet the longings of Love in the world

 

To bring a new way to see ourselves

         a new way for us to understand each other

 

For a way in either desperation or abundance

         for souls to embrace authentic creation

 

so blessings of Love pour from imagination’s fire

         to mend together our fragile world.

 

 

Not pictured: Susan Little & Steve Cloniger.

 

 

 



Pastor Sarah's Recommended Reads for Lent

Pastor Sarah's Recommended Reads for Lent

Looking for a devotional or sacred reading for the season of Lent? Below are a few of Pastor Sarah’s recommended reads. If you are looking for something specific, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask her!

Forgiving Yourself

Summary: Forgiving Yourself

  • We become imprisoned in the past when we do not forgive ourselves for past mistakes. 

  • If you have not sought forgiveness from your victim, do so. Forgiving yourself will be easier after you have sought forgiveness from your victim. 

  • We do not heal in isolation. Connecting with others is how we develop compassion for others and for ourselves.

Stone Ritual: The Hand of Mercy

  1. Find a small stone that fits in the palm of your hand.

  2. Hold it in your left hand. This is the hand of judgment.

  3. For each item on your list of things you need to forgive yourself for, transfer the stone from your left hand to your right hand.

  4. The right hand is the hand of mercy and forgiveness.

  5. Holding the stone in your right hand, say the words “I forgive myself for . . .” and fill in an item from your list.

  6. When you are done, return the stone to where you found it.

Journal Exercise

  1. Make a list of all the things for which you need to forgive yourself.

  2. For each thing you have listed, decide whether the forgiveness you need is from someone else or yourself. If it is from someone else, then walk the Fourfold Path. If it is truly from yourself, then it is time to rediscover your goodness.

  3. Write a list of all that is good about you. Look at yourself through the eyes of a loving and admiring companion.

—-

As we continue in our book study, we encourage you to purchase Desmond and Mpho Tutu's The Book of Forgiving which is available as a hard copy, audiobook, and ebook. All of the above comes directly from the end of each chapter. If your finances are preventing you from purchasing the book, please reach out to Pastor Sarah.

Tutu, Mpho, and Tutu, Desmond. The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World. United States, HarperCollins, 2014.

Needing & Receiving Forgiveness

Summary: Needing Forgiveness

  • Gather support as needed.

  • Admit the wrong.

  • Witness the anguish and apologize. 

  • Ask for forgiveness. 

  • Make amends or whatever restitution or reparation is called for or needed. 

  • Honor your victim’s choice to renew or release the relationship.

It is hard to admit our wrongs, to make a full confession. It is also hard to witness the harm we have caused and to apologize. Here is some wisdom for “Witnessing the Anguish”

  • Do not argue

  • Do not cross-examine

  • Listen and acknowledge the harm you have caused

  • Do not justify your actions or your motivations.

  • Answer all questions honestly and thoroughly.

Mediation Practice: The Box of Forgiveness

1. Create a safe space. Bring to mind a place of safety. Your place of safety can be real or imaginary. See this place fully and inhabit it. Are you indoors or outdoors? Is it a large, open space or a cozy place? What does it smell like? What does the air feel like on your skin? What sounds do you hear? Music? A crackling fire? Birdsong? A babbling brook or a fountain? Ocean waves? The hushed whisper of grass swaying in a breeze? There is an inviting place to sit comfortably. Relax into this place. It is your place of safety.

2. Someone is calling for you. The one who is calling for you speaks in a voice filled with warmth, love, and delight. When you are ready, welcome this person into your safe place. Notice how the person’s presence increases your sense of safety and assurance. Who is your companion? Is it a loved one, a friend, or a spiritual figure? It is someone who is accepting, affirming, and utterly trustworthy.

3. Between you and your companion sits an open box. Look at the box. It is small and light enough for you to lift and hold. Notice its size, shape, and texture. What is unique about this box? Tell your companion the story of what you have done. Tell the truth about the harm you have caused in as much detail as you can. As you speak, see the guilt and shame pouring out of you like a stream. Watch the stream being poured into the open box. Speak until you have finished.

4. Ask for forgiveness. Tell your companion that you are sorry for what you have done and ask for forgiveness. Your companion smiles at you, knowing that you are whole and worthy of love no matter what you have done. Now gently close the box of forgiveness.

5. Take the box into your lap. You may want to sit with it in your lap for a few moments. When you are ready, hand the box to your trusted companion.

6. When you are ready, you may leave your place of safety. Know that your trusted companion will hold your box of forgiveness and welcomes you at the end of your Fourfold Path.

Stone Ritual: Setting Down the Stone

1. For this ritual you will need a heavy stone. You want to feel its weight as burdensome.

2. Walk with this stone some distance to a private place.

3. Admit to the stone what you have done.

4. Then tell the stone the anguish you have caused.

5. Then apologize to the stone and ask for forgiveness. You can imagine the person you have harmed in your mind’s eye, or ask God for forgiveness.

6. Decide what you can do to make amends to the person you harmed or how you can help others.

7. Then set the stone down in nature.

Journal Exercise

Meditations and visualizations can be healing, but it is also extremely helpful to write down what you have done as a preparation for apologizing and asking for forgiveness.

1. Admitting the wrong. What have you done? Use this place in your journal to tell the truth and list the facts of the harm you have caused.

2. Witnessing the anguish. Now look deeply at how your actions have harmed the other. Write sentences that begin “I am sorry for . . .” Write as many sentences as you can.

3. Asking for forgiveness. Write the following sentence and finish it: “I would understand if you are not able to forgive me now, but I hope you will be able to forgive me someday because . . .”

4. Renewing or releasing the relationship. You will be asking the person what you can do to make it right, but here you will list your own ideas for how you can renew the relationship. What could you do to repair what you have broken?

—-

As we continue in our book study, we encourage you to purchase Desmond and Mpho Tutu's The Book of Forgiving which is available as a hard copy, audiobook, and ebook. All of the above comes directly from the end of each chapter. If your finances are preventing you from purchasing the book, please reach out to Pastor Sarah.

Tutu, Mpho, and Tutu, Desmond. The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World. United States, HarperCollins, 2014.

Renewing or Releasing the Relationship

SUMMARY: Renewing or Releasing the Relationship

  • The preference is always to renew unless there is a question of safety. 

  •  Ask for what you need from the perpetrator in order to renew or release the relationship.

  • You may need an apology, an explanation, a tangible object, or to never see that person again. 

  • Look at your part in any conflict.

  • When you renew a relationship, it is stronger for what you have been through, but it is always different. 

  • By renewing or releasing a relationship you free yourself from victimhood and trauma.

 

Meditation  

Releasing or Renewing    

1. Enter your place of safety.   

2. Invite your trusted and affirming companion to sit with you.   

3. Allow yourself to feel all the hope and any anxiety that surrounds your relationship with the person you have forgiven.   

4. Describe your hopes and fears to your companion.

5. Your companion will not judge your hopes, your fears, or your decisions. Your companion will affirm your inner wisdom.   

6. When you feel settled in your choices, you can leave this space.  

 

Stone Ritual  

Renewing or Releasing the Stone    

1. Decide whether you will turn your stone into a new thing of beauty or re- lease it back into nature.   

2. If you have chosen to renew the stone, decide how you will paint it or decorate it. You may also choose to turn it into something useful in your home or garden.   

3. If you have chosen to release your stone, you may take it back to the place you found it and set it down, or you may take it to a new place that is meaningful to you.   

4. Nothing is wasted. Everything, even a stone, has its purpose.  

 

Make Something Beautiful  

1. You will need some art supplies (glue, paint, colored paper, markers, fabric).   

2. You will also need a bag.   

3. You will complete this exercise using something you consider beautiful and breakable, such as a cup, plate, or tile. (If you cannot use a breakable item, substitute a picture from a magazine, a photograph, or a piece of patterned fabric.)   

4. Place the breakable item inside the bag and use your stone to smash the item. (If using a photograph or picture, then use your stone to scrape, scratch, or tear it.)   

5. Now use the resulting shards or shreds and your supplies to make something beautiful.  

 

Journal Exercise    

1. Was it possible to make something beautiful from what you had?   

2. How difficult was it to do so?  

3. How closely did your new creation resemble the item you damaged?   

4. Could it serve the same function as the original?   

5. What did you learn about renewing and releasing as you engaged in this exercise?

 

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As we continue in our book study, we encourage you to purchase Desmond and Mpho Tutu's The Book of Forgiving which is available as a hard copy, audiobook, and ebook. All of the above comes directly from the end of each chapter. If your finances are preventing you from purchasing the book, please reach out to Pastor Sarah.

Tutu, Mpho, and Tutu, Desmond. The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World. United States, HarperCollins, 2014.

Granting Forgiveness

SUMMARY: Granting Forgiveness

  • Forgiveness is a choice. 

  • We grow through forgiving. 

  • Forgiving is how we move from victim to hero in our story. 

  • We know we are healing when we are able to tell a new story.

 

 

Meditation  Loving Kindness    

1. Close your eyes. Imagine an emotion that makes you feel good. It can be love or kindness or compassion or gratitude or all of these emotions.   

2. Allow this emotion or combination of emotions to radiate out from inside you. This is what it feels like to be free of fear, anger, hatred, and resentment. This place of peace lives within you always and belongs to you. You can step into this place whenever you wish. It is yours, and no one can take it from you.   

3. Now imagine the person or people you are trying to forgive. Imagine that you are their mother and they are like a tiny baby in your arms, before they hurt you, before they hurt anyone. See their goodness and humanity.   

4. Can you bless them and wish them well? Can you send them compassion and kindness? Can you let them go?  

 

Stone Ritual  Washing the Stone    

1. Take your stone, which has been with you through this journey along the path. You have spoken to it, you have clenched it, and now you will cleanse it.   

2. Get a bowl of water or go to a body of water. Dip your stone in the water three times. Each time you dip the stone, say “I forgive you.”    

 

Journal Exercise    

1. Begin by writing down a story of the person who harmed you. What do you know about this person? If you do not know them, what can you find out about them? What do you have in common? In what ways are you similar?   

2. What have you lost by not being able to forgive? Has this inability to forgive harmed you and the ones you love?   

3. Now write down how this painful experience has actually made you stronger. How has it helped you grow and have empathy for others? How has it ennobled you?   

4. Finally, write your story again but this time not as the victim but as the hero. How did you deal with the situation, how have you grown, and how will you prevent such harm from happening to others?

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As we continue in our book study, we encourage you to purchase Desmond and Mpho Tutu's The Book of Forgiving which is available as a hard copy, audiobook, and ebook. All of the above comes directly from the end of each chapter. If your finances are preventing you from purchasing the book, please reach out to Pastor Sarah.

Tutu, Mpho, and Tutu, Desmond. The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World. United States, HarperCollins, 2014.